Hi,
I don't write screenplays, because odds of successfully pitching a screenplay are worse than making a safe lunar landing in rusty metal trash bin that's powered by a junk yard- sourced washing machine motor.
The above sated and written down:
Who are your characters?
?
What is your concept?
You might like to consider the style of your screenplay:
Jennifers Body.pdf (screenplaydb.com)
Notice how the style immediately puts the picture of the main character in your mind? Doesn't it irritate you that there's no apostrophe in 'Jennifers' after the 'r', between the 's'? It's a title. though.
I recommend Cody's style for VAM scene's, but check out other styles, if you like. Walter Hill and David Giler's 'Alien' is a complete opposite in style and form, and at the other end of the scale; cut-throat razor sparse.
The first seventeen pages of Jenifer's Body are brilliant, some of the best .
However, after P.17 , Cody loses focus, because to get it written, she's shut herself away in a motel room with a heap of coffee and Benzedrine. She pushes her concentration to the limit and after page seventeen, you feel her brain slowly frying, sizzling itself.
Even the concept for a screenplay needs to be written in the present tense, like the above two sentences. It will help you
see it. It will help a screenwriter see it. You would normally write a logline and a 500 word synopsis to describe your characters and concept. Possibly one of the best loglines ever:
‘
A New York City cop travels to Los Angeles to reconcile with his wife but learns she’s been taken hostage by terrorist in a skyscraper — and he struggles alone to save her. It’s called Die Hard.'”
Die Hard – Synopsis
John McClane, a hard boiled New York City cop, comes to LA for Christmas. His wife, Holly, has recently taken an executive job there; she's brought the kids with her, too. McClane begrudges Holly packing up like that, but he loves her and hopes to work things out. Wandering through the company holiday party in the sleek new high-rise, Nakatomi Plaza, McClane feels out of place and things aren’t going that well with Holly either.
Things gets a lot worse when a band of European terrorists invade the building. Led by the suave and brilliant Hans Gruber, they’re seriously armed and organized. They lock down the building, seize control of the computer system, cut off all outside communication. The terrorists gather the only people left in the building, those attending the party, and keep them docile with their automatic weapons. Gruber is in total control.
Except over McClane. Who has slipped into a stairwell, unseen.
Gruber escorts the head of the company, Mr. Takagi, into an office and demands a computer code that will unlock a vault containing 640 million dollars worth of bonds. Takagi refuses. Gruber blows his head off. Nearby in hiding, McClane watches. He realizes Gruber is fully capable of killing the hostages—including his wife.
Armed with only his wits, McClane is the only one with a shot at saving the day. Hans has his tech specialist set about breaking the computer code, a complex routine that requires going through seven computerized locks. McClane tries to alert authorities by tripping a fire alarm, but the ruse fails, only signaling to Hans that there’s a rogue loose in the building.
Climbing through air-ducts, sliding down elevator shafts, McClane manages to evade capture and even kills a few terrorists along the way. He finally catches the outside world’s attention by sending a dead body hurtling onto a squad car. The LAPD shows up. And the FBI. And the media. It’s a circus out there. But the terrorists keep them all at bay with missiles.
Gruber still controls the building. One by one, the tech guy opens the locks. McClane manages to stay free and slow them down, but he’s still operating solo—injured, bleeding, running out of steam. Finally the bad guys open the vault and seize the wealth of bonds. How will they make their getaway?
As they herd the hostages to the roof, McClane realizes they’ll unleash a massive explosion that kills the hostages and seemingly kills the terrorists, too. In the mayhem, they’ll escape. Good plan, but McClane clears the hostages, seconds before the rooftop erupts in flames. But now Gruber has seized Holly, to prevent McClane from impeding his getaway. McClane doesn’t like people messing with his wife. He sends Hans out a thirty-story window. But Hans grabs Holly’s wrist, pulling her, trying to yank himself back inside. McClane releases the latch on Holly’s Rolex. Hans plummets to his death.
Game’s over. McClane and Holly have never been happier to be together.
And those are the kind of things you will need write so you can to convey what's in your mind to the screenwriter. Of course you don't have to write anything at all, you can spend hours thrashing it out in exchanged PMs. But that will cost you $$$$$$$.
A screenplay is as much about the white space on the page as the text. White space represents passing time, and the space between one of the writer's thoughts and units of visual imagery and the next. They are like states and transitions in MacGruber's Logic Blocks. ( BTW MaClane + Gruber; it's a dark art's writer's trick, to put names in your mind and get you to remember them.)
I page of screenplay = 60 seconds of film.
Screenplays are a sweaty, rabid bitch to write, and as unreasonable to getting them to conform to what your want them to do..
Copy and paste all of this page into a white page so you can
see how the white space works.
If you want to work with a screenwriter, meet them halfway, and know what you are asking for.
And, no I'm not offering. My screenplay writing speed is 1 page per day, and by the end it will have cost you a small fortune.
Kind regards,
Hedgepig
