Excellent, I love the slow pacing and the music/ambiant.
At the very begining in the ship we should have foreplay/service "dream" scene while the player near Vega and could have felt a sleep.
It's a missed oportunity for pacing and spicy moment.
At the very end has a "lighting" issue, it's too green and dark imo during the kiss.
on a personal note, I think giving a name and a portrait to the player is taking away some VR Roleplay, sames goes for the inner thinking even tho it's properly written.
I can't wait for part 4 :)